


Voyeurism Is Perfect Practice for Spying

by mouseInk



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen, Naruto
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Intelligence Arc, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Overprotective but Misguided Brother, Shikamaru Is The Smartest Idiot In Konoha, Teenagers Arguing, The Sensing Squad is Full of Perverts, Use protection, don't be a fool wrap your tool, i promise this isn't perverted, off-screen sex, ok its a little perverted but you wont feel nasty reading it, recursive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:48:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25434139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseInk/pseuds/mouseInk
Summary: Shikamaru is a Motivated Nara, with a plan to have some special alone time with his girlfriend. He decides to do this in the same house as his parents, twin, and baby brother.It somehow manages to come together mostly flawlessly, but there are consequences even a Nara couldn't predict.Set vaguely during the intelligence arc.
Relationships: Nara Shikako & Nara Shikamaru, Nara Shikako & Uchiha Sasuke, Nara Shikamaru/Tenten
Comments: 35
Kudos: 247
Collections: Heliocentrism — a Dreaming of Sunshine recursive collection





	Voyeurism Is Perfect Practice for Spying

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't slept in 28 1/2 hours. I had the idea to use that to my advantage, because writing is just Easier when it's the middle of the night- probably because you're sleep deprived?
> 
> The premise of this fic was spawned in a passing thought I had while sleep-toxicated. That's the word for sleepyness that impairs you.
> 
> I'd like to blame leaf for this, but if I'm being honest with myself, I am the only one responsible for this abomination.
> 
> I don’t actually know who, if anybody, knows exactly how good Shikako is at sensing other than Team7. Plus, it’s a slight AU anyways, just in terms of timeline. The details aren’t important here. I'm tired- you can't expect me to check when in canon it is [but I basically did, anyways?] I think Kino was born in the intelligence arc, but I honestly don't remember too well.

There were a couple of age old adages about the Nara clan, dating back to even before the founding of Konoha.

Never go against a motivated Nara. 

Always trust a Nara with a plan.

Shikamaru was both.

The plan was for Tenten to sleepover in Shikako’s room after dinner, so that she could have a break from an intense week-long training trip with Team 9. Gai and Lee could just burst into the home of the Nara Clan Head like they could her apartment, and even if they tried, Shikako had already sealed the house from unwanted entry ages ago.

That was how he sold it to his parents, anyways. Shikaku gave a knowing look to his wife, because it wasn’t the most subtle of plans to begin with, but Shikako had happily agreed without hesitation.

It was a little weird at first to know his baby sister was completely on board with this, until he realized later that night that she actually did want to have a sleepover to talk about seals. For hours. 

Shikamaru legitimately called it quits, and went to bed out of his own free will, instead of being lulled to sleep by seal talk he’d never understand.

 _Women._ Troublesome.

* * *

His planning, fortunately, was rewarded when Tenten gently shook him awake. 

It was better this way, especially since his perpetually stressed baby sister had a fun night with her friend, and had absolutely no idea what else they were up to. 

It was worse this way. Shikamaru would trade places with Tenten in a heartbeat during one of her daily training sessions if he could.

It wasn’t actually anything to do with the physical act of losing their virginities. That was awkward, but they laughed it off and carried on.

But at one point during the night, Shikamaru tripped into his dresser and bumped it against the wall, where Kino slept in his crib directly on the other side. Kino was still a fresh baby, as Shikako affectionately (he hoped) called him. Fresh babies tended to cry at the drop of a pin; even Nara babies could cry at the sight of their own shadows.

He predictably began screaming his head off, at approximately 2:49 A.M.

Shikaku was the first on the scene, complaining as he arrived. “Why couldn’t you have been more like your brother? A nice, happy, quiet baby.” He began to soothe the baby, rocking him back and forth to no avail as he sang a soft lullaby. Shikamaru and Tenten listened in quiet horror as he stopped his song to ask a question.

“Dearheart, did he wake you up?”

“Yeah,” Shikako mumbled groggily, “I’m gonna go crash somewhere else tonight.”

There was a soft chuckle. “Aren’t you in the middle of another sleepover right now?”

She snorted. “Tenten is… “ she began, before trailing off.

It was hard to tell what stopped Shikako dead in her tracks. At best, she was falling asleep while standing up. At worst, she was realizing that Tenten was not asleep in her room with her.

“Tenten is fine!” Shikako nervously whispered. “Absolutely. Totally. She’s good. Sleeping like an absolute rock. I could kick her in the head, and she wouldn’t wake up. Not that she’s dead. Or in a coma. Just tired.”

The door to Kino’s room creaked open slowly. “Anyways, Dad, I’m gonna go! Bye!”

“Hey! Not with a boy!” He called out in a hushed shout as the door slammed shut, sending Kino into another wave of cries. Shikaku gave a groan, and then led himself into the next verse of the lullaby, taking Kino into his room as he did.

Shikamaru sighed, slumping onto the bed. That was too close.

* * *

It was _so_ much worse this way. Shikamaru would trade places with Tenten on Team 9 for an entire month if he could have avoided this.

Breakfast was manageable. His parents were tactful enough to not bring up Kino last night. Shikamaru would rather train with Lee for a year than bring up his sex life to his parents, and Tenten was an experienced liar and as verbally flexible as any human being who had to avoid being dragged into constant training and challenges had to be.

Lunch was _hell_.

The Konoha 12, minus Naruto, plus Sakura, had all miraculously been in town at the same time for the first time in what felt like years. Naturally, Chouji and Ino had arranged for everyone to meet for lunch at an Akimichi barbecue.

Shikamaru almost crushed Tenten’s hand in a death grip when he realized that Shikako and Sasuke had arrived together. Tenten caressed his hand with her other, stroking it gently back and forth to calm him down. 

“It’s fine,” she murmured in his ear. “They’re teammates, she’s just more comfortable sleeping around him, that’s all.”

He ground his teeth together and quietly spoke his agreement, if only to convince himself. “That’s right,” he nodded, looking distinctly at the ground, “Just. Teammates.” He spat.

Shikamaru’s fears were not helped by the fact that Shikako seemed to hang off of Sasuke like a sloth to a tree. She constantly rubbed against him, leaned on him, talked to him more than anyone else (and Sasuke mostly didn’t speak to anyone else).

His rage boiled over when the night came to a close, and Shikako tugged his sleeve to get a private word in. Leaving Tenten for a moment with the rest of the group, he trudged along with her, if only to remove her from the rib-breaker’s presence.

Shikako jabbed him in the chest _hard_ , sending him stumbling back a step.

“Are you using protection?”

It took Shikamaru a second to process. In the face of 100% angry sister, it didn’t actually occur to him to lie. “She’s got the seal.”

She crossed her arms, unimpressed. “Seals are finicky. Even medical seals from Tsunade-sama are finicky.”

Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose, furrowing his eyebrows. “Tenten knows seals, we’ll be fine.”

Shikako waved her hand in front of his face. “Hello? Do you recall what I spend 90% of my time in the village doing? Who was the one who had to take _seduction_ classes?” She shuddered at the thought of it.

He frowned, completing the look of disapproval. “Tenten’s not out to _seduce_ me.”

Shikako sighed, drooping her shoulders. “Look, I'm not here to comment on the health of your relationship... Actually, I will anyways. She can seduce you if she wants. She's your girlfriend. Now,” she began as she clapped her hands together.

“In the event that a very dedicated kunoichi manages to impersonate Tenten, she can fake the seal. And even if it is the real Tenten, if she _does_ get pregnant, because I know for a fact that seals, including and _especially_ that one, can and do fail all the time, the Clan Elders will want to disown you, or at least disinherit you, because they tried to disinherit Dad just for marrying Mom.”

Shikako finished by clapping her hand on his shoulder. “And I _cannot_ be the clan head, so brother dearest, just take a little extra step.” She beamed. “Are we clear?”

This… was a lot of information to process. Shikamaru was good at extrapolating conclusions from limited datasets, and the whole talk was overwhelming. A sinking feeling fell into his gut, and his face turned stone cold.

Shikako frowned. “Uhm… _are_ we clear?” She slowly asked.

Shikamaru instead turned around, stomping away towards the rest of the group. He could hear his sister whisper a swear, as he felt his body slip from his control. That was okay. Shikako never did figure out how to stop a person from talking with a shadow technique.

“Sasuke Uchiha! Did you impregnate my sister?” Shikamaru roared. Shikako’s Shadow Paralysis fell away, as the rest of the group’s ambient conversations all fell to a crashing quiet.

“No way!” Ino shrieked, frantically pointing her finger back and forth. “You, and _Sasuke_? _You_ , little old quiet, couldn’t bother to talk about boys if her life depended on it, Shikako, and _Sasuke?_ ” Sakura pulled her aside by her elbow for some rapid conversation at a breakneck pace.

Hinata blushed, quietly stating “That is perfectly wonderful, you two have always been very close and…” she trailed off into quieter whispers, before she was drowned out entirely.

Kiba grinned madly. “Nice, man. Up top!” Sasuke refused to comply, standing stoically, unreacting. Kiba frowned, muttering to himself as he high-fived Sasuke’s limp hand. “Down low works too, sure, man, whatever you want.”

Chouji happily beamed for a second. “Congratu-” he began, before looking around at the rest of the group, and specifically Shikamaru’s death glare. “Most people tend to be happy about these things,” he mentioned, looking pointedly at his shoes.

Shikako shoved her brother into the group, as she loudly announced to anyone else who could’ve been listening, “I am _not_ pregnant with Sasuke’s child, and we are _not_ having sex with each other.”

Kiba elbowed Shino, who easily swayed back and forth with the hits. “Didn’t say she wasn’t pregnant, though. Eh, eh?”

Shikako threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. “I’m _not_ pregnant! I’m not having sex with anyone, I’m not dating anyone, there are no shenanigans going on in my life.”

Shikamaru sputtered, deflating. “You just told me that having a kid out of wedlock disqualified you from being the clan heir. Then you told me that you knew specifically well that Tsunade’s seal could fail. Then you immediately told me that you couldn’t be the heir. Then, you’ve been literally hanging off of him the entire day!” He waved his arms frantically in Sasuke’s direction.

Shikako put her face into her hands, sighing deeply. “The clan heir has to have kids. I do _not_ want to have children. We spent a whole week in Kunoichi classes talking about seduction missions, and what can go wrong. That’s it. That’s literally it. Sasuke and I are just really close friends.”

Sasuke poked her in the side, pointing out, “You did break into my house in the middle of the night, and crawled into bed with me.”

She jabbed him back immediately in retaliation. “Don’t make this worse. It was because those my brother and his girlfriend were too busy getting their freak on,” she angrily said.

Sasuke stopped. “Wait. Really? I thought you said that Kino was crying.”

She rolled her eyes. “Technically, yes. They woke him up.” Sasuke perked up, nearly about to get a snarky comment in, before she held up her finger. “Their rooms are right next to each other. That’s it.”

Tenten spoke up. “We were just talking. I felt bad that I didn’t spend some time alone with Shikamaru because we spent so long talking about seals that night. That’s all. You just misunderstood,” she fibbed.

“Actually!” Kiba piped up, “She’s a sensor. She could _feel_ you guys doing it. Shikako’s one of the best- she can pick up hour-old trails,” he grinned proudly.

Shikako blushed red, shrinking behind Sasuke. “Yeah,” she admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “I kind of do. But I don’t feel it! I mean, I do, but-”

Shikamaru’s jaw dropped wide open. “You’re a sensor?”

Shino tilted his head in confusion. “I do not understand how you do not know. Why? Because she is your sister, who you live with, and she was ranked Special Jonin for her abilities.”

It was Shikamaru’s turn to blush. He chose to hide behind Chouji. “I kind of thought it was some kind of seal thing she did.” He glanced back and forth. “For tracking. I knew she got it in tracking,” he clarified.

Chouji nodded, tapping Lee on the shoulder. “I didn’t know either. I think only her teammates and the sensing squad knew, right?”

“Yosh! It is my failing that I have not acquired enough information! I will-”

Ino shook her head, slapping her hand over Lee’s mouth. “I’m neither of those things, and I knew.” Sakura nodded in agreement.

Shikako copied Shino’s cocked head. “How did you not know, Shika? We’ve run missions together.”

“Again,” he repeated, “Seal Thing. That describes most of you.”

Shikako ground her heel into the dirt. “I take offence to that! I’ve got other things, like the Sword of the Thunder God, the shadow arts, plenty of other things.”

“I mean, he’s not wrong? Explosions and seals. And the explosions come from seals,” Sakura lightly offered.

The group muttered general agreement among themselves. 

“Anyways,” Kiba said, spreading his arms out wide to gather attention, “The point of this is that Shikako’s basically a massive perv. I mean, it makes sense. Her sensei reads porn all the time, she learned sealing from the King of all Pervs, she sees you when you’re sleeping, she knows when you’re awake. She knows when you’ve been good, she knows when you’ve been _naughty_.”

Chouji and Sasuke snickered, as Shino spoke up. “I do not see why this is a concern.”

Kiba stopped. “Wait. Shino. Did your parents ever give you the _talk_? About the Birds and the Bees?”

“The boys didn’t get that in the Academy?” Sakura asked.

Shikamaru held up his hand. “We don’t really need it, unless you’re a clan kid, then your clan gives it. But… do Aburames even have sex? Or is it some special Clan Technique?” 

Sasuke snickered some more from the back. “I can’t believe that Aburame sex was ever referred to as a special clan technique.”

Shino shook his head. “I do not understand what you refer to as the Birds and the Bees. Why? Because birds do not have sex with bees; they eat bees. Praying mantises will eat their mates, but this does not occur in humans.”

“It does if you’re kinky enough!” Kiba added quickly.

Ino sighed, “So Shino does know about sex. Do Aburames actually have normal sex though?”

Shino shrugged. “The only answer I could say is yes. Why? Because you are asking me. I am an Aburame, so the Aburame way of having sex is normal to me.”

Ino frowned. “Okay. Is it different from the sex other people have?”

Shino nodded. “Sex with an Aburame is fundamentally different than sex with other people. Why? Because-”

“Wait, wait, hold on! Shino how do _you_ know what other people having sex is like? My talk was hours long, about using protection, trying to make sure you find the right girl, and making sure that girl wasn't an enemy infiltrator, making sure that I knew that even if it was the right girl, it didn't matter if she was an enemy infiltrator, making sure I knew if the girl was _just_ right, then it didn't matter if she was an enemy infiltrator as long as she defected, trying to convince the perfect girl that she should defect to Konoha, and so on. Was your talk hours long, if you had to talk about Aburame sex and other sex?” Chouji asked, cutting him off frantically.

“All Aburame have watched other people have sex. Why? Because people don't like being watched when they have sex. It is good practice to observe something you were not meant to.”

“That’s horribly enlightening,” Sakura said, her face ghost white.

“I mean, if you think about it, most of the people on the sensing squad can be massive perverts if they want to, except for maybe me and Kiba,” Sasuke added helpfully.

“Can the Byakugan see through clothes?” Ino asked Hinata.

Hinata blushed bright red. “Well…” she trailed off, slowly sinking down to the ground by a friendly earth jutsu.

“Yes.” Neji stated plainly, “It is the most efficient way to check if a target is carrying concealed weapons, or other seals. It is a high level ability that requires filtering the most minute gap between clothes and body, without ignoring any concealed items, so it is not something done for fun or leisure.”

“But… you can see through walls, can’t you?” Sakura pointed out, “It’s even more perverted to watch people having sex. Shikako could only sense their chakra usage going up, and Shino’s sensing with the kikaichu isn’t quite the same as watching it in crystal clear vision.”

Neji froze, slowly turning to Sakura with an indeterminable expression on his face. She shrank back behind Sasuke.

“I see! I have a long road to surpass you Neji! Yosh! I will look at a hundred people naked! I will watch two hundred people having sex!”

“I’ve created a monster.”


End file.
